My Name Isn’t Paul is a weird little novella that gets under your skin, sending you on a fast paced journey toward oblivion with the premise ‘what if an eldritch horror monster hated itself?’ The result is a quick journey into a hive mind of beings who only want to feel happiness and spread across humanity quietly in the shadows. I found the writing style quite fascinating, a first person look at self hatred, the desperation to be somebody else, and an eventual acceptance that no matter how hard you wish you could change your circumstances, at the end of the day you might just have to accept you’re an eldritch horror monster covered in filaments inside of a human skin sack.

A Few Thoughts

The premise of the story lent itself well to the quick 100ish page novella format. It’s almost stream of concious, leading us through the life this creature has made for itself that’s essentially all a facade for who he really is – an eldritch horror from another dimension who wants anything but his eventual destiny to breed and lay his eggs inside of a dying human. You’d expect this to be horrifying, filled with body horror, but in my opinion it didn’t stray too far into that realm. The novella sticks with the psychological aspects of a being who wants to go against the mold, who eventually gets sucked back into the hive mind.

It was especially interesting to follow creatures who only want to be happy. They’re essentially empath’s who feel everything the humans around them are feeling, from happiness to depression to the occasional horrors surrounding every day life. Beyond the monstrous aspects, it’s a commentary on the modern day American life of people sitting in their homes, passing the hours between mundane jobs just trying to make it in the hours before sleep. The main character tries so hard to grin and bear it as a false version of the horrible man he took over, but the life he’s chosen is as meaningless as that which he’s running away from and things fall apart. Ultimately, it feels like either fate has a pretty similar outcome: oblivion and an eventual demise to the next generation who will quickly forget you and move on to their own problems. 

Finally, props to the author on the monster design and the cover. They’re self-described as Brillo pads, stretching enormous filaments invisibly into their surroundings to influence feelings and attack people if necessary. It sounds horrifying but when coupled with their personalities and end goals, they’re just monsters trying to get by in a world they have no desire to live in. This all plays into the cover, a hypnotic, trippy take on these creatures overtaking a human body. I honestly downloaded the book for the cover alone and do not regret it.